Fearless Read online

  Jillian Marshall is living her perfect dream. All she’s ever wanted is to be a dolphin trainer, and she’s going on eighteen years doing just that at Tampa’s Marine Research Institute. Her devotion to education and her dedication to the conservation of marine mammals consume her heart and soul. Romance isn’t exactly on her agenda.

  When Laura Carter applied to the institute’s thirty-six-week intensive training program, she left out one important detail—the tragic accident that changed her entire life and left her terrified of drowning. A brilliant animal behaviorist, Laura must decide just how hard she’s willing to fight to fulfill her dreams and overcome her nightmares.

  Falling in love is the easy part, but when Jillian puts her career on the line to help Laura overcome her fear, will she lose everything?

  Fearless

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  eBooks from Bold Strokes Books, Inc.

  http://www.boldstrokesbooks.com

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  Fearless

  © 2019 By Tina Michele. All Rights Reserved.

  ISBN 13: 978-1-63555-496-0

  This Electronic Original Is Published By

  Bold Strokes Books, Inc.

  P.O. Box 249

  Valley Falls, NY 12185

  First Edition: November 2019

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission.

  Credits

  Editor: Cindy Cresap

  Production Design: Susan Ramundo

  Cover Design By Tina Michele

  By the Author

  Venus In Love

  In Every Cloud

  Stealing Sunshine

  Between Sand and Stardust

  Fearless

  Acknowledgments

  I wasn’t sure I could do it, but thanks to some great friends and all-around amazing people, I did.

  Thank you to my fabulous beta readers—Sue, Angela, Gia, Nancy, Teresa, Steph, and Ameliah for your precious time and insight. An extra BIG thanks to Dawn for your invaluable knowledge and connections in absolutely everything SCUBA! All my love to my little sister, Jennifer, for suffering through countless trips to see all the fishes.

  Thank you to my friend and DC trainer, Katie, who patiently spent nine long hours walking, talking, and swimming me through a day in the life of a marine mammal trainer. And of course to Capricorn, Akai, and all of Pod B for giving me a day I will never forget.

  To my editor, Cindy, everything you’ve taught me has all come together to create this book. You are priceless. Rad, Sandy, thank you for still believing in me.

  For anyone battling depression, anxiety, or PTSD, remember that none of us are alone in our fight against mental illness. There is no shame in fear or asking for help. Don’t be afraid to start over, try again, push forward, or take a break. Every day is another chance at the life you’ve always dreamed of. You’ve got this.

  This book couldn’t have happened without every single one of you. Thank you for supporting me, believing in me, and getting me through the dark times. You make me FEARLESS!

  Dedication

  More. Most. Bonanza.

  Chapter One

  Jillian Marshall stretched out her body and smiled in pleasurable pain as her bones snapped and crackled from head to toe. She rolled over and waited until the last minute for the alarm clock on her nightstand to catch up to her internal one. It was a rare occasion that the alarm ever went off before she’d woken up, but she didn’t dare not set it. After eighteen years of the same routine, her body ran on its own, and she couldn’t change it even if she’d wanted to. And why would she want to?

  Jillian was doing what she loved every single day of her life, and there wasn’t a reason on earth that would change that. At four thirty a.m., her alarm rang out, the exact moment her coffee maker began to brew her favorite morning blend. As the scent of freshly brewing coffee made its way to her, she got in one more perfect stretch and tossed back the covers. She swung her legs out of bed onto the cool, hardwood floor and padded off to the bathroom grabbing her swimsuit from the drawer on the way.

  Jillian pulled her work shirt over her head and tucked it loosely into her shorts. She picked out a pair of socks and grabbed her sneakers on the way out of her bedroom. Once her socks and shoes were on, Jillian was ready for another day. She sat in the quiet of her kitchen sipping her coffee and scrolling through the early morning news on her tablet.

  Through the peaceful silence came a shriek that set the hairs of her neck on end. While the sound itself wasn’t unusual, the timing most definitely was. She glanced at her watch. Indi, the hyacinth macaw, was a creature of habit just like Jillian, and it wasn’t like him to be causing such a ruckus at five in the morning. He was a rigorous keeper of order for himself and his caretakers. The next deafening cry sent chills down Jillian’s spine; there was nothing at all normal about that sound.

  Jillian jumped up from her seat, toppling the chair over behind her. Within seconds, she’d grabbed her two-way radio and was out the door running toward the aviary. A dense fog hovered in the air and obscured everything mere inches from her nose. The scent of night-blooming jasmine filled the air with a sickening sweetness. It had never been a scent she was fond of.

  Indi and his mate, Anna, were now sounding the alarm that cut through the thick air. Their enclosure was a couple hundred yards away, and Jillian was relying on stress, muscle memory, and their cries to guide her. Her heart pounded with each footfall. She could see Indi clinging to the side of the enclosure with his feathers puffed and ruffled in agitation. It took him just a couple of seconds to recognize Jillian as she approached through the haze. She stroked his feathers through the cage and shushed at both of them.

  She spoke softly while inspecting the area for any signs of what could have set them off on such an unusual tirade. Any possible threat could have gotten them riled such as a snake or raccoon, and it was at that moment both she and Indi caught a glimpse of what it was. A figure emerged from the fog behind the enclosure, and Indi and Anna once again sounded the alarm. Jillian’s breath caught in her throat and her heart stopped in her chest. The blast of screeching from the birds startled not only her, but also the shadowy figure.

  In her rush to get to the aviary Jillian hadn’t seen anyone lurking in the area, not that she could’ve seen through such a thick mist. “Hey,” Jillian hollered at the figure, half hoping it was just a figment of her imagination. In a flash, they’d taken off down the path, and Jillian instinctively took off after them. “Shit!”

  The haze was beginning to rise off the ground, yet it was still almost impossible to see where she was going. The moisture in the air was thick and soaked her hair and face as she ran blindly after the intruder.

  Her heart hammered in her chest, and she remembered her radio. Keeping her pace, she called out for Ricardo, or any of the other guards or staff on duty. “Code, uh, shit. Code? What’s the code?” Jillian had used the code for trespassers just one other time in all her years at the park. “Screw it,” she said before yelling into the radio. “We’ve got some punk in here headed toward the lagoon. Ricardo? Anybody?”

  She refused to think about what could happen if they made it to the lagoons before she could stop them. With no railing, thick fog and water that was more than a hundred feet deep in some places, the results could be tragic. Although, they might
choose that fate instead of the one she was going to give when she caught them. Her radio crackled, and Ricardo called back. “Jillian, we’re on our way.”

  She was gaining on them, and now she was close enough to smell the heavy scent of alcohol they were leaving in their wake. When she was within striking distance, Jillian leapt for it. With her arms outstretched, she hit them from behind like a linebacker. The impact sent them both tumbling to the ground. He struggled under her grip, cursing and thrashing against her. She pressed her weight into him and mashed his face into the concrete path. He jerked against her like a wild bronco in an attempt to buck her off, but she held fast.

  She heard Ricardo call out his location on the radio. He was within moments of arriving. In her relief she adjusted her hold, which allowed her captive to slip his arm free and swing his fist into her face. The crack of impact stunned her and rung the bells that now sang in her skull. A warm flow of liquid dripped into her eye. Jillian could smell the fresh blood as its scent mixed with the jasmine and booze in the air, and it made her queasy.

  Thankfully, Ricardo, Alan, and several other guards descended on the area and took control of the perpetrator. She sat back on her heels and took several deep breaths before Ricardo came over to check on her. “Oh, damn, Jillian,” he said, lifting her chin to get a better look at her face with his flashlight. “You need to get that taken care of. We’ve got this under control now.”

  She knew they did, but she just needed a minute or two to settle herself before she lost her breakfast all over the sidewalk. When she looked at her shirt her stomach turned over. Jillian pulled her shirt over her head and pressed it to her face to slow the bleeding. She took several deep breaths and tried to work her heart rate back to normal. Once the guards had the intruder restrained, they pulled him off the ground and started to lead him away, but Jillian called them back as she pushed herself to her feet.

  Everyone looked at Ricardo, then Jillian, and the trespasser, and then back again. “Jillian?” Ricardo said.

  “He’s fine.” She wasn’t going to attack him. She just needed to know a few things before they carted him off. Turns out that the “man” was more like a kid who couldn’t have been more than eighteen years old. “What were you doing in here?” she asked.

  “Nothing, man. I swear. I was just chillin’ with my bros having some beers, and they dared me to hop the fence back there.”

  “Back where exactly?”

  He shrugged in the direction where they’d begun their chase at the aviary. “By those loud ass birds. Probably would’ve gotten away with it too had they not started screaming.” He stumbled around as he talked.

  Jillian was relieved that his drunken daredevil adventure had been short and sweet. She didn’t want to imagine he’d spent all night ransacking the park and harassing her animals. Ricardo once again pointed out that Jillian’s face was split open and bleeding. She didn’t need a reminder; she could feel as much. As her heart rate slowed and the adrenaline began to wear off, she could feel her eye beginning to swell. So much for starting her day the same way she always had. While Ricardo was right that it needed looking at, Jillian had more important things to do. She needed to check on her pod; stitches, and everything else could wait.

  * * *

  Dr. Shaw popped his head out into the lobby and smiled. “Hey there, Laura. Come on back.”

  Laura returned his smile and followed behind him. In her imagination, Dr. Shaw always seemed much shorter than he was. At every appointment, she was reminded that, if anything, they were just about equal in height. As he had done at each session, he held out his arm and offered her the guest chair opposite his. His office never changed. Not even when he relocated his practice across town did he alter the simple setup of his space. There was no comfy couch or chaise lounge stacked with pillows, and no inspirational quotes on tissue boxes or placards cluttering the space. His desk, two mismatched recliners, a fish tank, and a framed print of his time on Broadway as King Mongkut from The King and I, were all that made up the room. Yet despite its seemingly uninviting nature, Laura felt her most comfortable in this room with him.

  That hadn’t always been the case, of course. During the first two years of her treatment, the fish tank terrified her. As she had begun to progress, Laura began to use her ability to cope with the sights and sounds of the water as a barometer for her healing. All these years later, she no longer imagined herself stuck at the bottom of the tank tangled in amongst the coral and plants as the light flickered and reflected from the surface. She took a deep breath and settled in her seat.

  Dr. Shaw turned to her and raised his eyebrow. “Are you holding your breath?” he asked before giving her time to naturally exhale. He sat and crossed his legs, resting her open file on his lap. He clipped his reading glasses together at the bridge and set them onto his nose.

  Laura exhaled with a chuckle. “Nope. Just breathing.”

  It was a legitimate question for her therapist to ask since it had long ago become her go-to coping mechanism following her accident. She still turned to it in times of stress when she needed to gain control over herself and her surroundings. When she had first begun seeing Dr. Shaw for PTSD she had read somewhere, the internet most likely, that professional swimmers and divers could hold their breath twice as long underwater than they could on land. It was then that she convinced herself to put the theory into practice for herself.

  Over time, Laura had become able to hold her breath for an average of two minutes and thirty-two seconds. If the time ever came where she would need it, the odds guaranteed that she had at least three whole minutes under water. Thankfully, it was a theory that she had yet to test, and today wasn’t a holding-her-breath kind of day. Laura was trembling with anticipation and had been since she woke up that morning.

  “So, Laura. How’ve you been?”

  “Amazing, and today’s my admissions interview at the Tampa Marine Research Institute!” She happy-danced in her chair. For the first time in a decade, her life was finally on track.

  “That’s right. And how are you feeling about that?” he asked, making scribbles in the folder on his lap.

  “I feel…” There were about a thousand different emotions zipping around through her head. “Scared, excited, nervous, hopeful. You name it, I probably feel it.”

  “That’s normal. This is a huge step for you, Laura.” He uncrossed his legs and leaned forward. “It may not be as easy as you’re hoping it—”

  She cut him off mid-sentence. “I feel good about it.” As much as she trusted and respected him, sometimes she wished he didn’t always try to put doubts in her head. Not that he did it on purpose, surely. It was just his head-shrinking way to prepare her for the worst. “I’m not having any nightmares or panic attacks. I’m not holding my breath. I’ve got this.”

  Although, as she listed her accomplishments, she was doing more than just trying to convince him. Laura was terrified. She was afraid that this was her last chance to become the person she always dreamed of being. The person she’d wanted to be before she swung off that rope into the cold water below. The crystal-clear water flowing up from deep in the aquifer that had stunned all of her most primal senses. A shiver ran through her as she recalled just how the spring water had shocked her body that day.

  “Laura? Where’d you go?” Dr. Shaw asked.

  She blinked away the memory. “I’m here. And I’m ready. I’ve let what happened that day control me for too long. Maybe I’ll fail or maybe I won’t, ya know? But this is my last chance. I’ve gotta do it.”

  “This has been a long time coming. I think you’re ready for this step if you do. But—”

  She cut him off again. “No buts.” Laura wasn’t naïve enough to think that something might not go to plan. She learned all about that ten years earlier, but she’d spent all these years since doing whatever she had to in order to reduce those risks. He wasn’t the only one who could prepare her for the worst.

  They wrapped up their ses
sion, and Laura headed off to the institute. She pulled up to the guard shack and stopped at the bright yellow bar that hung across the road. Rolling down her window, she smiled at the large and imposing woman who stepped out of the small building. The greeting returned was one of indifference as the guard held out her hand and asked for Laura’s credentials.

  Laura continued to smile as she handed over her license and the temporary parking pass the school had sent along with her interview confirmation. Her heart raced in excitement as the guard scanned her documents and searched for her name on the list. Laura’s smile began to wane as time crept by. She tried to peer over the edge of the clipboard. “It’s C-A-arrrrokay…” her voice failed when the woman glared down at her before handing back her paperwork. “Sorry,” Laura said as she slunk back into her seat.

  When the barricade rose, Laura offered another apology and pulled into the parking lot. She picked the first vacant spot she came across. She was ready to be done driving and out of the car, but now that she was there her hands trembled. She wiped the excess moisture on her palms along the tops of her thighs, rubbing them back and forth over her slacks even after her hands were dry.

  Laura flipped down her visor to give her hair and makeup a final once-over. She practiced a welcoming smile that came across a bit more frightening than she’d intended. Her second attempt wasn’t any better unless her goal was to mimic a constipated lunatic, which she most definitely was not. She shook her head at herself and then ran a finger over each of her already smooth eyebrows. She closed the visor with a slap and sighed. It was now or never, both literally and figuratively.